Jazz, Jimmy Jazz

Dear Jesus,
Thanks for everything you’ve done,
But I don’t think you should come back.
Our leaders will probably kill you again.

It’s true what you’ve heard,
We’re one nation under your dad.
Many politicians believe you in some way,
Mostly under a religion called “Protestant”.
But I can’t shake this feeling many of them believe in you just to fit in
Like a teenager who become hipster just feel a sense of belonging.

I’m sure you know but the human race has reached a most disgusting point.
So much hatred and so many wars all done under your name and your dad’s.
See, many believe in talking to you
But if you talk back no one believes it.
Unless it’s words of hate to make money off war or refuse gay rights.

So,
Thanks Jesus for everything you’ve done,
But I don’t think you should come back.
Our leaders will probably kill you again.
If you were to come back saying you’re the Son of God,
I doubt anyone would believe you,
They will probably kill you again.

For some reason no one can translate the Bible to understand what you want
And we have human appointed people to speak on your behalf.
I highly doubt that you would want child molestation covered up
I really doubt that you and your dad hate gays,
It seems the word of your dad are vague or clear
Depending on the reader’s fears.

I got bills that I can’t pay,
I guess the kingdom of Heaven is mine.
I never understood why politicians would want money then.
It seems they just use you and your dad just to keep the public happy with what little we have, while they make millions off our fear and obedience!

So Jesus,
Do you want to carry the cross again?
Because I’m pretty sure they’re going to kill you again if you show your face.
Because they believe in you, but a man that preaches peace doesn’t exist anymore.
They’ll label you a terrorist, a trader, for wanting to turn the other cheek.
If you perform miracles on youtube, the comments will still read “fake and gay”.
We’re so high and mighty off ourselves,
So cynical,
So angry at differences,
You wouldn’t stand a chance back on Earth.

We just use you and your dad when there’s tough times!
We rely on an unhealthy combination of media and sermons to guide us what to think,
what to feel,
but the only thing is the media and sermons have become opinionated too much!
We base our fears, our values and our votes based on the opinions of news anchors and priests!
Do you see this Jesus?!
I know you must see how disgusting we’ve gotten!
You must know this is no place for peace and love! 

So,
Thanks Jesus for everything you’ve done,
But I don’t think you should come back.
Our leaders will probably kill you again.
Just let us kill ourselves or send a meteor to wipe us out. 

The distress in voice
Another difficult choice,
Where my mind doesn’t go to a shotgun
Just want to move one, go on and run,
I never broke a contract
It was your broken contact,
I’m painting views of sunsets
You’re painting views of abortions,

The vague dialogue,
The victimized youtube songs and
The status updates,
All these things I don’t do
I’m not wanting to trash talk
Because of this one fact:
I still love you

EVERYTHING! EVERYTHING!
Everything is a stab in my heart!
Please!
Everything ends, this is a nice reminder.

It’s no one’s business
Yet everyone knows this hideousness,
There’s a line between panic attacks and
emotional breakdowns that I jump between.
Trying to be an adult
Instead of like a tween,
You inspired me to take photos of flowers
Instead of grave stones

The vague dialogue,
The victimized youtube songs and
The status updates,
All these things I don’t do
I’m not wanting to trash talk
Because of this one fact:
I still love you, I’ve always loved you.

EVERYTHING! EVERYTHING!
Everything is a stab in what’s left of my heart!
Please stop!
Everything ends, this is a nice reminder.
Where’s this god?
EVERYTHING! EVERYTHING!
Where’s the good?
Everything is a stab in my heart!
I’ve lost everything
Please!
I’ve lost everyone
Everything ends, this is a nice reminder.
I’ve lost my family and you friend.

I am so much better than this
I deserve better than this
Won’t cut myself, let the pen bleed on paper
Won’t blow this off, let the emotions flow from the brain and heart
I just had to let this out because I’m hurt.

Everything ends!
Please stop!
Everything is a stab in my heart!
I thought we were going to be friends….
Haven’t heard from you in a long while…
I’ve lost everything
Please!
I’ve lost everyone
Everything ends, this is a nice reminder.
I’ve lost my family and you friend.

—————

Written Feb. 2012

“Now Interrupted”

It may seem corny,
It may seem stupid to say,
But I want too
I want to make sure you know how I feel about you.
It may seem generic,
I’m rambling now because I mean this:

When I say “I love you” I’m not just saying that to fill space
I mean it,
I mean it every time
You do something to me,
You make me see the light
I love you, I mean this.

Then there’s that smile that fills me up with joy.

I hope I do the same thing,
Make you forget the bullshit of this world.
I hope I do the same where I can make you laugh too
I am genuinely happy with you,
My best friend for the last six years,
You make me happy, my dearest

When I say “I love you” I’m not just saying that to fill space
I mean it,
I mean it every time
You do something to me,
You make me see the light
I love you, I mean this.

Wait….,

“Let Go”

Hate down in my heart and in my brain,
Wanting to spew out of my mouth
Wanting to fucking hurt in the most awful way
This being an adult is not working
I’ve ripped up all the love songs for you
I’ve replaced you with Adele
I’ve get, I’ve got, gotten, gots so much panic attacks
I’ll silently whisper the words I can’t say
Like a controlling force of tourettes

I’m sure this is not healthy,
I don’t want to be consumed by this hate or anger
You never even said “sorry”!
Now I got to forgive and let go in order for you to move out of my head
Don’t forget the shit you left in my heart either

Shit
Piss
Cunt
Whore
Bitch
Witch
Salt
Mother fuckin’ apple pie
with a side covered in…., stuff

Breathe, breathe, breathe,
Breathe, breathe, breathe, 
Breathe in and out.
Don’t forget to breathe,
Don’t forget there’s still love
In your friends and what you love to do.
As long as you’re fuckin happy, I guess, Fuckin A! 

I’m sure I deserve better than this!

RIGHT?!?!

I don’t want to be consumed by this hate you’ve given me
Want to go back to the love I once had!
Glad to know you fell out of this love
Wish you would have told me before everything
Hope you enjoyed the free ride!

Rope
Choke
Punching pillows
Drinking
Binge
Burning Bridge
Nice to hear from you, only so you can get your stuff!

Don’t worry, I’m fine by the way!

Hate! So much fuckin hate in my heart!
I am fuckin Judas to the world right now!
I hate everyone!
You made me see beauty, now reminded me of the ugly side
Congrats, you broke me, again.
But don’t worry I won’t say a fuckin’ word,
Wouldn’t want to ruin your fuckin reputation as a…

I deserve better than what you gave me,
This is me letting go!

“Please grant me the peace of mind to accept my crosses in life as You accepted yours, and grant me the grace to hold no bitterness or resentment in my soul towards anyone.”

————————————————————————————-

Both written Feb. 2012

Insert a self centered post here
Talk about stuff that no one cares about
Try to be serious, it’s all a joke
Try to joke, every one is offended
I’m an adolescent,
Aged to geriatric
No interests just a million friends in common

My pixelalted self is rad
My real flesh self is a slob
At least I know the difference unlike some, certain people
I never grew an ego
Because I listened to punk rock
While others fell in love with their typing

You think you’re so independent
Try cutting the new umbilical cord
You think that technology is great
But if it’s your identity you’re a bore to meet

You are not a logo
You are not a logo
You are not a logo
Trying being a human being

You are not your phone
You are not your laptop
You are not your social status
You are a human being. 

You think you’re so independent
Try cutting the new umbilical cord
You think that technology is great
But if it’s your identity you’re a bore to meet

Welcome the death of great literature
Novels and poems have been limited to 140 characters
Welcome to a ungrateful generation
The one’s who worship Steve Jobs
And forgot about…

You think you’re so independent
Try cutting the new umbilical cord
You think that technology is great
But if it’s your identity you’re a bore to meet

You are not a logo
You are not a logo
You are not a logo
Try killing your ego and think of others for once.

——————-

Written Jan. 2012

I’m suffocating because a black garbage bag was put over my head instead of a burlap sack.
While so called journalists are paid from the sack with a dollar sign on it from the corporations who want you to buy, distract and believe.
We are drowning in information but starving for knowledge. 

I don’t buy into the fear that every thing’s a threat
I don’t give a fuck about a society that doesn’t give a shit 

And when we were Gods
We rose so high,
Deciding who lived and died
In wars and hospitals

You can’t teach your kids they can be whatever they want
Because chances are this recession isn’t going away any time soon
And don’t you dare think about aborting that fetus
Because how else will we sell it stuff or make it sign up for the army? 

And when we were Gods
We brought Hell onto Earth
We just called it a sauna for China
And turned on the AC for Wal-Mart

I don’t buy into the fear that every thing’s a threat
I don’t give a fuck about a society that doesn’t give a shit

No corporation died for our sins
No politician died for our sins
No material possession died for our sins
No reality star died for our sins
So why do you worship such bullshit?

I don’t buy into the fear that every thing’s a threat
I don’t give a fuck about a society that doesn’t give a shit

——————

Written Jan. 2012

(Warning: Strong language)

Read More

I have a million scenarios
Playing in my head like a show
Alternative paths I’ve never touched the morning dew
They all end in destruction

This is me inside my mind
You are there but not for long
I will find a way to fuck it up
This is the only promise I can keep

This is how the world ends
In my mind it’s almost over
Profound me in the Labyrinth
I like it here, I don’t like much

The sun never sets on a point of view
It rises to just upset you
If you die before you wake
You died in your dream, that’s it, that’s all

She wants to listen to other things
She wants to read other things
It’s always about a she
That’s how all great tragedies start

This is how my mind works things out
Ending everything before ever beginning.

————————

Written Dec. 2011

I try to brush off the words you spoke in ink
But I can’t help but feel a sting,
Is that what you wanted?

I can’t explain where I am
and I can’t explain how it’s going to end
But your guess is as good as mine that it’ll end by me.

Oh, the good Lord knows my past
I can’t see a future with him any time soon
And if my words speak louder than actions right now
You can’t blame me for speaking the truth.

It’s illegal unless you get away with it
The reasons given are morals for mortals
I can’t shake the feeling as if they don’t want you to die
Unless it benefits them by dying in a foreign land

Can’t get a grip on life and no one will shut up
Can’t get the words you wrote aloud to go away
And if this is it, I’m going to haunt your daughter
Then find you in Hell and then you’ll pay

Telling my secrets to your daughter
Then you wonder why I can’t trust
Fuck you, you cunt!
Fuck your daughter too!

I took the shards of my life and made sure they were just cutting me
You can just throw away the pieces because I’m easily discarded by all
I can’t imagine what will be after this,
In a way I’m hoping the atheists where right and there’s nothing at all

Oh, Dear Lord I’ve tried
But I can’t take it anymore
And if my actions speak louder than words right now
You can’t blame me because no one was there.

Oh my God, I’m so weak
Am I as pathetic as my former shrink once said about me?

It’s a sin that follows you to the after life
The reasons given are presents for this presence
I can’t shake the feeling as if they don’t want you to die
Because it benefits the growing numbers of those who believe this…

Can’t get a grip on life and no one will shut up
Can’t get the words you wrote aloud to go away
And if this is it, I’m going to haunt your daughter
Then find you in Hell and then you’ll pay

—————

Written Dec. 2011

Leave me alone,
An old cliche that hardly works
I hate doing this routine,
I don’t want to talk to anyone,
Alone with my thoughts
Feel pressure for things I want to get done
I don’t like how you’re in and out of my life

Get your shit together,
Get a better job,
Find a nice girl to love,
Pay your debts,
Never be unhappy.

I can see you’re fake
I can see you’re a hypocrite
Well not everyone can be society’s whore
Pleasing the social norm and the economy
Don’t say shit that you know nothing about
I don’t like how you’re in and out of my life.

Get your shit together,
Get a better job,
Find a nice girl to love,
Pay your debts,
Stop being such a mess.
A Mess.
Mess.

You can go suck a dick and choke to death
I can make sure only nice things are said afterwards
But I can’t guarantee about people’s thoughts
I can’t be the only one that you piss off.
I don’t like how you’re in and out of my life.

Get your shit together,
Get a better job,
Find a nice girl to love,
Pay your debts,
Never be unhappy.
Shut up!
Shut up!

————————-

Written Nov. 2011

There’s not much else to say
Anything I say will be wrong anyways
Wait, I’m not trying to start anything else
This is over.
I’ve been deleted from her life
I’ve deleted your number from my phone
Couldn’t contact you even if I wanted too

Well, why am I writing these words in second person
Would it be better if I said “eff you” instead
Or spy on you through friends profiles like third person, you.
Well, I was sad when it happened,
I thought there was potential for more than friends,
Even saved up all my money and I bought myself a gun.

I might be out of sight
But am I out of your mind?
Here’s to your memory.

Don’t go chasing waterfalls
Nobody wants to hear this,
But sometimes the person you want the most
is the person you’re best without.

I’ve heard through the grapevine that you’re waiting for your song,
Well, here it is but I’m not mad.
You friend my ex’s and family just to update status about me
I haven’t written a thing, this is the first and the last.
Maybe we’ll run into each other when you stop trying to prove you’re the victim
And I can say hi without you laughing your ass off

I get it, you’re trying to prove that I’m wrong and you don’t need me
I don’t need you either, this deal is done.
I may have done some shit but I admit it
I don’t need to prove because you already are proof that
Bitches be crazy.

As for you, you’re out of sight and out of my mind.
True, this is bye,
But you are not worth me committing suicide

Don’t go chasing waterfalls
Nobody wants to hear this,
But sometimes the person you want the most
is the person you’re best without.

———————-

Written Oct. 2011

I wear thick black glasses
Even if I don’t need glasses
I wear them ironically
I wouldn’t expect you to understand.

I dress from the thrift store
Because I’m not part of the social norm
I’m not a slave to the mall
I fit in with my click instead of your group.

I’m not a prep, I’m out of your norm,
I don’t expect you to understand
I’m not even a hipster,
Why does everyone always say that.
I wouldn’t expect you to understand what I am.

I believe in me and the power of underground indy music you’ve probably never heard of.
I don’t believe in organized religion because they’re just too mainstream,
Besides, I was into crucifixion before Jesus was.

“A shallow night’s eve with the glimpse of purity is a lie.”
I don’t know what that means but it sounds cool and is the caption to my black and white facebook profile pic.
I’m so original, I dress like my grandpa does instead of did.
I bought a shirt with a quote from a philosopher you’ve probably never heard of.
And I’ll blog about stuff, you probably won’t understand it.

I go to concerts for the irony
I like the band with the DJ and the drummer
And the one band with the 2 keyboards, an acoustic guitar and electric bass
I believe they’re all from Michigan.
Go ahead and get drunk, that’s too mainstream to me.
I’ll just enjoy the band that no one else likes
and baby sit my Pabst Blue Ribbon

—————————-

Written April 2011